Raising Boys

Dolls. Dancing. Makeup. Dolls. Barbies. Pink. Dress-up. Bows. Dolls. That's what my childhood was like. I was no tomboy. I was girly from my head to my toes. I had ribbons in my hair and tap shoes on my feet more often than not. I was afraid of a softball and didn't like to be sweaty. I had names picked out for all of my future children. But you know what? They were usually all girl names. If someone had told me that I would have a house full of boys, I would have never believed them. 

But wow. God's plans are so different from our own. And not only are they different, they are so much better. When we found out that each of our babies were boys, I was filled with such joy. You know why? Because those three precious boys are part of God's perfect plan for my life. He knew my house would be filled with blue and Legos and action figures and baseballs and Tonka trucks long before we did. And He also knew that I would love it. Is it fun cleaning up bathrooms after little guys who have really bad aim? Or trying to keep three rowdy little boys calm in quiet public places? Not necessarily. But I love those three dirty, messy, loud, silly little guys so much that it's more than worth it. God has called me to be their mom, and I am SO thankful that He did. Have I ever wondered what it might be like to have a little girl running around the house? Of course. Just like those parents who have all girls might wonder what it's like to have a son. Or a mom of one child might wonder what it would be like to have two or three. Or a blonde might wonder what it's like to be a brunette. Or an accountant might wonder what it would be like to be a nurse or a teacher. Doesn't mean we don't love who we are or what we have. It just means we are humans. And that's ok. 

I have also been asked multiple times why we aren't adopting a little girl. Some people are surprised that with three little boys, that we would choose to adopt another. And if I'm being honest, when we were at the beginning stages of the adoption process, we both assumed that we probably would adopt a daughter. But God began to make it clear to us very early on that we would be giving our boys another little brother. We had the option to wait on accepting a referral until a little girl was available. But we could have been waiting a really long time- years even. We ultimately decided that we wanted to add another child to our family more than we wanted to add a daughter to our family. We didn't want sit and wait for a female to become available while little boys sat and waited on families. Now I'm not saying that's what is right for anyone else's family or situation. This is just our story. And what was right for us. 

So I'm embracing my role as "Boy Mom" and learning the ropes of raising sons. We are just learning as we go, praying for guidance, and asking for forgiveness when we mess up. And I have accepted the fact that we will mess up. We've also learned to trust our instincts and raise our boys the way we feel is right for our family. We don't have to parent the exact same way our friends parent. And we don't have to feel guilty about that.  We have learned to discipline our kids the way we feel they need to be disciplined - not the way we feel other people think we should disciple them.  I've caught myself getting on to them for things that normally I'd brush off, just because I'm afraid whoever I'm around might think I need to be correcting them. And that's not the mom I want to be. I'm becoming confident in my role as Brody, Beckett, and Levi's mom. (And soon-to-be Lennox's mom.)

Something else I've figured out six years into raising boys - boys are not girls. They shouldn't be expected to behave like girls. Boys are all about action - watching it, but more importantly, being a part of it. I've figured out that I shouldn't take them to a swimming pool, then tell them not to splash me.  I can't be unrealistic. They need to be able to expend that energy. I just have to come up with creative ways for them to do so. Boys like to be dirty sometimes! They'd rather be covered in dirt, rolling in the grass rather than sitting neatly at a table with their crayons and coloring book. Now don't misunderstand me. They should absolutely know how to behave. They should know manners and take responsibility for their own actions. But I also have to remind myself sometimes that they are little boys. They are loud and rambunctious. That's how they are made. And I shouldn't try to change that - I just have to steer their activeness in the right direction. 

So, as I tread through the waters of little boyhood - I now dream of four brothers rough-housing and playing football in the backyard. I look forward to them finding loving wives and becoming daddies to their own precious little ones. And I see what an incredible job we have ahead of us. To raise these four boys to be supportive loving husbands, spiritual leaders for their families, hard workers, attentive present fathers. That can be so overwhelming to think about. But thank goodness we have a God who loves them even more than we do. 

Is this how I imagined motherhood would be for me? Not even close. It's better. So much better.