We are still waiting on that phone call to let us know that Eastern (the orphanage/agency in Seoul) has requested our file. This is the first week that we are kind of maybe letting ourselves think it could possibly come. More likely that it happens closer to November, but you never know. And to be honest, based on the predictability (or lack thereof) of this process, we could still be waiting on that phone call come Christmas. I'm trying to be more positive than that, but it just seems that anytime we start to think they are getting into some sort of routine, they throw us a curve ball.
Today, however, we did hear of a few cases (that were requested last month - around the third week of Sept) that were actually submitted for EP today! That means there are still trickles of movement, and we are just praying this is a really productive week! We need some good news!
Despite the fact that we are inching closer to our file actually seeing some movement, I will admit that I have been fighting bitterness toward this whole process lately. Bitterness, frustration...whatever you want to call it. I know it isn't the attitude that I'm supposed to have. We have been in this process for 17 months, waiting for Lennox for almost 11, and now we haven't received a picture or update in 3 months. A rep from our agency is there now, so we hope to receive a picture and short video sometime in November. I'm so desperate to just see his little face and see how much he's grown!
It's very hard not to become angry and frustrated when you feel like you have no control over such a crucial situation. Brent and I feel like our parental instincts have kicked in already, yet our hands are completely tied. All we are able to do is wait for him. Love him from afar. And pray that The Lord will bring him to us. We cover him in prayers daily. The boys pray every night that he can come home soon. Just this weekend Beckett asked, "Can we please just go get him on Friday? I miss him." Oh I wish, sweet boy. We all miss him. And long to have him in our arms. But praise God, in our struggles, we find His strength!
As soon as we get notified of our file being requested for EP prep, I am going to start working on the bedroom that Levi and Lennox will share. Start making Lennox his own place in our home. I really do think that will help lift my spirits! It's like I've been pregnant for 11 months, yet have done nothing to prepare our home. Once I can start doing that, it will begin to seem more realistic. I'm so excited to create Lennox his own little space!
As frustrated and discouraged as I've been lately about this process, I continue to praise God for the blessings of my three boys at home! They bring me so much joy and happiness. I am asking God to help me balance my desire for Lennox to come home, yet enjoying every single day with my guys while we wait. My boys will never again be exactly like they are today, and I do not want to wish our time away!
Hopefully soon I'll have new pictures to share, and I look forward to the day I have exciting news to post! We are trusting that The Lord has His hands of protection over Lennox, and that He is working this out for good! We may never know why it's taking so long, but I believe The Lord is in control. So thankful Jesus carries us when we are weak, and we do not have to depend on our own strength.
Also, please say a prayer for our family to soon be on the mend. We've been passing around the stomach virus for 5 days now. I think we are all exhausted and ready to move on! :)
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