Our Longest Pregnancy Ever: Lessons Learned

{Written by Brent }

I laughed inside when the social worker compared the adoption process to being pregnant.  I thought to myself, Laura will not have morning sickness.  We will not have to buy any maternity clothes.  I will not have to eat Taco Bell four or five times a week.  A lot of selfish positives crossed my mind.  Lesson number one is that the adoption process is not about you or your selfishness.

With our three bio kids we had normal pregnancies. Most normal pregnancies are forty weeks with an all important due date at the end.  There were not any major health issues related to these pregnancies.  Laura had morning sickness, and I had the normal stress related to providing for another child. The adoption process is not normal when compared to our other pregnancies but does feel like a pregnancy.  It is the hardest thing to explain. With the bio kids we found out Laura was pregnant around six weeks. So, we would have about thirty-two to thirty four weeks left before the baby arrives.  Our application one was approved May 20th, 2012.  I consider that the day we found we were “pregnant” again. We had already been in the process about six weeks.  We found out we were pregnant at about six weeks in both the bio and adoption pregnancy.  Lesson number two is that there will be very few similarities between bio and adoption pregnancies.  

We found out with our bio kids at about eighteen weeks whether it would be a boy or girl.  We found out with all three because I am planner and Laura needed to decorate the rooms.  With the adoption we found out what we are having at thirty-two weeks.  Lennox’s referral came to us November 28th, 2012.  During the bio pregnancies, there was a point when I realized another child will be in our house.  This happened for the adoption when I saw Lennox’s referral picture.  I went into protective father mode and stress levels spiked.  I know he is being cared for unconditionally, but you still worry about how he is doing.  Lesson number three is you need a stress reliever to make it through the process. Running was my stress reliever, but now that I'm out with a knee injury, I'm on the hunt for a new one. Laura's stress reliever is talking and relating to her adoption friends she's met and become close with over the past year or so. 

Our bio kids were born within a couple of weeks of their due date.  The due date gives you guidance of about when the new child will arrive.  Well, with the adoption, there is no due date.  For a planner, that can drive you insane.  You have no idea when your child will come home.  Not even a good guess, to be honest. I really wished I could tell people a specific date. We are approximately eighty-eight weeks into this pregnancy.  Lesson number four is that you do not control the timing of each step.  You have a general idea, but that can and will change at a moment’s notice. And you just have to learn to be ok with that. 

We are still waiting, and we hope to bring Lennox home by June.  I have learned many lessons throughout the process so far.  Don’t start a journey like this unless you want to learn a few things about yourself.  We felt strongly about adding to our family through adoption, but I never realized how much it would change me.  It will break down barriers.  It will help you parent your bio kids better.  Overall, you will gain more knowledge and better yourself.  

Ultimately, God controls the timing of when Lennox will come home, and it will be the right time for us and him.  We started our journey by stepping out in faith, and our faith will see us to the end of the journey. Lennox is loved by a host of family and friends already.  We are all trying to learn things that will help us care for him and make him feel more comfortable when he gets here, and we will share some of those things as we get closer. In the meantime, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. They mean a lot to our family. 

Still waiting...

We are going on 8 weeks now since our file was requested for prep...and we are still waiting to be submitted to the ministry for EP. The 4-6 week timeframe in which we'd hoped to be submitted has come and gone, and I am growing more and more anxious to get this next step out of the way. We have now celebrated the one year anniversary of our referral...yet we still wait. We sent Lennox his 2nd Christmas package this week...and we wait. We will still be waiting as our son turns 18 months old soon, and as we bring in the new year. 

We had really really hoped to have him home by this Christmas. I've known for a while that probably wasn't going to happen, but it still stinks. I wanted to see him toddling into the living room Christmas morning and see his little face light up. Not stuff his Christmas goodies in a box and ship them across the ocean. 

But I do find peace in knowing that we are nearing those final months of this journey. I'm hopeful that we will at least be submitted sometime next month. And on a positive note, the cases that are currently being processed are receiving EP approval rather quickly, and it seems they are receiving court dates a bit faster than normal as well. This means that if we are submitted in January, it's still possible for us to have a court date by May. Which means we still could travel before Lennox turns two! 

There are still a lot of ifs and maybes involved, but guessing is really the only thing I can go by right now. Seeing as how we didn't make the 4-6 week timeframe for submission, here's another guess at a timeline. 

If we get submitted by mid-January, we could get approval my mid-March (this is just based on an 8 week average we've been seeing). We could be submitted to court within 2 weeks after approval, so say end of March. After that, we will just wait for a court date. Families recently have waited an average of 3-4 weeks to be notified of a court date, so that would put us at mid-late April. The court dates have been set 4-6 weeks out, so possibly late May/early June?? At that point we would travel to South Korea for about a week to ten days to meet Lennox and appear in court. We would then return home for 3-4? weeks while the courts finalize everything, then fly back to Korea to receive custody (!!!) and obtain his Visa. Again, this is just a blind guess. We are praying we fall into the shorter time frame on those averages, but you just never know. Anything could happen at anytime still, so we just ask for your continued prayers for a smooth process from here on out. We are asking that The Lord prepare Lennox's little heart for all of the changes he will soon endure. His little life will be turned upside down for a while as he adjusts. As amazing and wonderful as adoption is, there is also great loss involved, and my heart aches as I think of everything Lennox has lost/will have to lose in order to have a family. 

We've received several new pictures lately, a video, and a written update. These help tremendously!! Our boy is growing and thriving, and I have no doubt his foster family is covering him with love! 

I will continue to keep you posted as we wait, and as we hear any news at all. We are so ready to meet and love on that little boy, as I know so many of you are as well. 

We Heart Branson!

One of my favorite holiday traditions is going to Branson the weekend after Thanksgiving! We don't go every year, but we try to go as often as we can. We've been going since I was a child, and I love getting to take my own children now! 

Brent's parents were at our house before the sun rose, and we hit the road! 

We stopped for breakfast at Cracker Barell in Conway...filled our bellies up and the boys picked out some fun little activity books for the road. :)

Our first stop was Branson Landing down on the river. We did a little shopping, but Levi's favorite part was watching the ducks play. 

After lunch, we were finally able to check into our condo. We stayed at Fall Creek, and we loved our condo! It backed up to the water, was super roomy, and was in a great location. I'm sure we will be back!

Dinner Friday night was at Fall a Creek Steakhouse - one of our favorite places :)

The boys thought catching the rolls was so much fun!!

Brody had his "class pet" Alex for the weekend, so he and Beckett had fun sleeping with him on the couch bed. ;)

All of the breakfast restaurants were packed Saturday morning, so we ended up at Krispy Kreme! Yum-O!!

After breakfast, we headed to Tanger Outlets for a morning of shopping! It was so so crowded there, so we didn't stay too long, but we got what we needed. :)

For lunch we found a new favorite place! It was a BBQ place near our room, and it was delish!!

After naps, we finally made our way to Silver Dollar City - my favorite place! 

We rode rides, watched a Frosty the Snowman show, and then watched the lighting of the big Christmas tree at dark. There's nothing like seeing their little faces take in all of the sights and sounds of Christmas. :)

Levi's favorite thing was riding the Silver Dollar City train!

When we got off he said, "Dat was an awesome train!" 

We ended the night with the Christmas parade, and the boys loved it. I'm so happy they got to see it all :)

We had a late supper at Red Lobster...poor Brody didn't last long. I think we all would have liked to do this ;)

It was a short trip - we headed home on Sunday - but we had a wonderful time! I think we are all in the Christmas spirit now!! 

Thanksgiving 2013

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at my grandparents house this year! They live on a farm way out in the woods and it's so fun to take my boys there to play. 

These two really enjoyed listening to Papa play his guitar and sing. And he loved having a captive audience! :) I have so many memories of him doing the same thing in that very chair when I was growing up. Love that my children get to experience it too. 

They had the best time playing outside!

Tara even took some "Christmas card pictures" for us all :)

Cute cousins!

Dinner time! There's just nothing like a delicious Thanksgiving meal :) 

Beckett's favorite - Pumpkin pie!!

I think they say and looked at airplanes and animals in the encyclopedia for an hour. This picture is so sweet to me. My Papa is an amazing man. He has the biggest heart I've ever seen, flew in the US Air Force, is so incredibly creative, and has thousands of neat stories that he loves to tell. I'm blessed that he's my grandfather, and I'm thankful my children are able to know him too. 

And I sure do love this pretty lady! Don't know what I'd do without my Mama :)

We also prepared Lennox's Christmas package on Thanksgiving night, which also happened to be the one year anniversary of his referral. I was a little heavy-hearted thinking about him being so far away, but I know our Lord is doing a mighty work with his story!