Handing it over...

We are at a difficult place in our adoption of Lennox at the moment. I understand that I must sound like a broken record. But it truly does help to write these thoughts and feelings out. So bear with me. 

Last week, there was a group of cases submitted for EP. We were not one of them. While this is excellent news that the Ministry is already accepting new cases in 2014, we were quite surprised that we were not included in this group. It was very difficult to hear throughout the day of families who were matched after us being submitted, while we heard nothing. I finally checked in with our case worker that evening, and she confirmed that we were not submitted. Don't get me wrong, I am filled with joy for these families moving forward, but oh how we long to be in that place. 

We don't have a clear cut answer as to why we were "skipped", although there have been several possible explanations, but we do know that we aren't the first family to get left behind on a single step. Other families have also been where we are, and they successfully were submitted at a later date and moved on through the process. 

So, we know our day will come. When? Hopefully sometime in February. I absolutely cannot wait to feel this weight lifted. We've been in "any day now" mode for 2+ months, and it's very draining. 

Despite our unmet expectations, I continue to feel The Lord near us during this journey. I definitely wallowed in my pity for a while last Friday, but I'm very thankful that I've felt a lot of peace since then. I've shared before that I naively assumed we'd sail through this process with few bumps or setbacks. I had no idea what a roller coaster it would be. But God is continuing to make it clear to me that I just have to hand this over to Him. I can't do anything to make this move any faster. He's never let me down before, and I know He will carry us through this. Over and over again, I hand Him worry, and over and over again He renews my faith. When I fall to my worst and utter any doubts, He simply covers me in grace. He has brought me from low ugly places as I wait for my son to come home, and delivered me to a place of rest where I know He is in control, and that no matter how hard it is, He loves Lennox and is at work. 

I wanted to share the lyrics to the song The Lord has placed on my heart lately. It seems to come on my Pandora station at just the right times throughout the day, and has really been uplifting for me. I was struggling last Friday with the news we received and I kept asking ,"What do we do now? Why are we being asked to wait longer and longer? I just don't understand!" And as clear as day, I felt The Lord tell me to just be still. To give it to Him. To wait. I instantly felt covered in His peace. 

 I don’t know where to go from here 
It all used to seem so clear 
I’m finding I can’t do this on my own 

I don’t know where to go from here 
As long as I know that You are near 
I’m done fighting 
I’m finally letting go 

I will trust in You 
You’ve never failed before 
I will trust in You 

[Chorus:] 
If there’s a road I should walk 
Help me find it 
If I need to be still 
Give me peace for the moment 
Whatever Your will 
Whatever Your will 
Can you help me find it 
Can you help me find it 

I’m giving You fear and You give faith 
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step I’ve never been alone

Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go

I will wait for You
You’ve never failed before
I will wait for You

The bedroom switcheroo!...and other things :)

We are having a really great January so far! The big boys' schools have resumed, the weather has warmed a little, and we are all pretty happy to be back in our routines. 

This handsome boy got a haircut - I didn't get an after pic, but he looks oh-so cute :)

We were headed to my grandmothers for Sunday lunch, and Brody and I were pumped! ;) Believe me, my Mamaw's cooking is something to get excited about!

Beckett was playing with this water bottle fan one day and said he was pretending he was at the beach! Sounds good to me little man! I have been craving some beach time so badly. And we can't plan a beach trip bc we have no idea what two weeks we will be gone to Seoul. We do think it'll be summer, but it could be June, could be August. Maybe once we have a better idea we can plan a long weekend trip. :)

The temps have been up and down, but we have had some very pretty days! We've even been able to enjoy a couple warm days at the park. 

I took Beckett to a dermatologist in Texarkana this week for some skin issues, and we enjoyed having a day together, even if it was for a doctor appointment. 

Brody's awards program was Friday, and we are so proud of his hard work! He received an award for honor roll (had a B in handwriting - hehe), citizenship award, top ten Accelerated Reader, and 1st place in Kids College! I had one excited boy, and I was a proud mama. 

We did a bedroom switcheroo this week as well. Since before Levi was born, Beckett and Brody have shared a room and Levi had his own room. We have just assumed this whole time once Lennox is home, that he would share a room with Levi. Lately, as I've thought about how difficult the transition into his own bed may be for Lennox (he has always slept with his foster mom on a mat on the floor), I've worried about how Levi will react to me coming in the room to lay with or comfort Lennox when needed. He has almost always gone to sleep on his own, but I just think he will be too little to understand why I'm laying with Lennox, but not him. We've also learned that night terrors/night waking is very common for these sweet babies after coming home due to the trauma they've just faced of being removed from their foster home. Levi is a very light sleeper, so Brent and I just really don't think them sharing a room is the best idea. We decided to move Levi into the room that Brody and Beckett shared and move Brody into Levi's room. Brody will be seven when Lennox comes home and will be much more capable of understanding that things will be a little different for a while. He goes to sleep within minutes of laying down every night, and he can just about sleep through anything. He's also very excited about being able to share a room with his newest little brother and thinks it's a very important job :). Another plus is that this will give Brody his own room for a while. We are looking at another six months before Lennox's homecoming, and he will most likely sleep with me and Brent during the initial adjustment. So that gives Brody 6+ months to enjoy the benefits of his own room. We made the big switch on Friday, and it really went well! Brody needed me to lay with him for a bit just because he wasn't used to his new room, and Levi and Beckett giggled and laughed and talked for a while, but once everyone settled down we had a very peaceful night. We got tickled because the next morning we heard Beckett come shuffling into our room about 6:15 (as usual) and exclaimed, "Look! I woke Levi up to come too!"  He seemed very proud of himself. :) We had to explain that if he needed to leave his room for some reason, to please leave little brother sleeping peacefully. :) We still have some decorating and rearranging to do in both bedrooms, but their clothes and belongings are in their respective rooms, and hopefully over the next couple months we can get some painting and redecorating done. 

Quick adoption update and some pics from our week!

{Quick adoption related update: We heard last week that the Ministry in Korea is not allowing the agencies to make any more submissions until the 2014 adoption quota has been set. The past two years this has been set in March/April. (After submission, we still have about four months of waiting before travel, so that could potentially put us late summer.) This is certainly not good news for us, but we are learning to just roll with the punches. Learning what it means to TRULY give this wait over to The Lord in order to have peace in the waiting. The present head of this department of government is a different person than the one in charge the last couple years, so we are a little hopeful that he could be more proactive and get that quota set sooner. Will certainly keep you posted as we hear any news. Our boy will be 19 months old next week, and we are so ready to meet him! }

The boys received these uniforms for Christmas, and I'm pretty sure they would LIVE in them! :)

Someone got a super cute haircut last week! I really did love his long hair, but he was asking me to cut it so he could do "spikey hair". I finally gave in - and I really do love it.  

We had to go to Star City last weekend to pick up some mattresses we'd bought, so we took Beckett with us for a little alone time with him. Brody and Levi stayed with Mimi and Pawpaw. We ate lunch and spent a few hours at The Village. 

I think Beckett's favorite places were toy store and the bakery! :)

Some sweet friends of ours finalized the adoption of their sweet baby boy this week. I was able to join them for their court appointment, and it was so amazing to witness. I'm grateful they allowed us to come be a part of it!

Levi has been glued to my side lately. I don't know if it's just his age, a phase, or if he is picking up on the big change that will be coming to our family in the coming months. Probably a combo of all of it. But I probably hear "I wanna hold you me!" about 2,256 times a day. If I'm doing dishes he's standing at my legs. If I'm hanging up clothes, he's in the closet with me. And we also do a lot of this :)

Brody started taekwondo before Christmas, and it is going wonderfully! It's been so good for him, he really enjoys it, and he even got to bring home the little taekwondo bear for being student of the night this week! :) Dude is even asking if he can start the twice a week classes instead of once a week. That's how much he loves it.  

Little Levi had his first dental checkup this week! I was more than a tad nervous about this because...well...because I know Levi. But he surprised me and did really well! The little toot even let them take radiographs! I know adults who even hate that part. ;) He cried some at the end when the dr came around to check him, but I think he was just DONE. 

And I'll end with these two cuties waiting in line to pick Brody up from school yesterday. Love them!

Christmas with Mimi and Pawpaw

Christmas Day

Christmas morning is always so fun and magical! We'd stayed up into the wee hours of the morning getting everything all set up...

This is Beckett's loot

And Brody's...

And Levi's...

We had said we wanted to scale down this year...oops. 

It was so much fun to see them wake up and discover everything :)

For our own reasons, this year Santa just filled stockings at our house. It worked out great, and we are very happy we made that decision. They were thrilled to see what Santa left in their stockings!

Only crumbs left! ;)

My favorite part of the morning was pausing to sing happy birthday to Jesus. Praying they always understand and remember the true meaning of Christmas, despite the business of it all. 

We even braved the cold, and headed outside for a little bit!